The Manatee Theory: Part 1 + 2

The moon was high in the dark, night sky. Fireflies were fluttering around, dandelions drifting off, and the stiff movements of the never-sleeping monsters. The air was bitter like the night, yet warm like summer; a perfect time to enjoy a stroll. And our favorite manatee, Urf, decided to take advantage of that. Volunteering to patrol the river area, he silently swam up and down the small stream, awaiting for any intruders, and at the same time relaxing under the silverish moonlight. If any intruder came and attempted an assassination, Urf could easily swim out of the way. After all, he is in the water, so nothing could go wrong. Typically, Urf was naive.

The Nexus of Order needed time recharging so it can keep sustaining a constant stream of minions, steady inhibitors and strong turrets. Because no activity from the Chaos team has been reported, it is assumed they are doing the same. However, team Order couldn't be too sure, so they had a number of champions still awake. Teemo was foraging for mushrooms, Heimerdinger was fixing turrets, and Gangplank was maintaining his crew. Gragas was sitting at the base, drinking another barrel of ale, which was expected of him. Most of Urf's teammates were a good distance away from him, so reinforcemence was out of the picture. Urf could only rely on his summoner. But on this particular night, the summoners were off resting, before preparing for another epic battle.

Urf sat in the middle of the river, still alert, yet still admiring his surroundings. Ah, he thought, I could get used to a night like this. Now, Urf is a very alert creature and requires minimum sleep, so it was no surprise that he sensed a distrubance in the air. Scanning around, he examined the brush and the cliffs, yet the fog of war and darkness made it hard to see much. So Urf hid in a small circular patch in the middle of the river, still alarmed, and continued to wait for any intruders. Perhaps Urf was TOO alert, because as he turned around again, he saw a blueish figure in his fact.
"Looking for someone?" it said in an animal-like voice.

As the manatee stared into its bloodshot eyes, he realized it was the Blood Hunter; Warwick. His toothy grin ran across his face as it came face to face with his to-be-prey.

Without hesitation, Urf began to retaliate. Smacking the beast with his spatula, he started to turn and dart out of the jungle. He ran into the brush, hoping to juke him. Yet with the same decisiveness, the Blood Hunter grabbed hold of the manatee with inhuman agility. He slammed the manatee into a wall, and their faces again locked. For the first time in many years, Urf knew fear, and he knew it too well. But with his bold spirit, he questioned the beast.

"What do you want, you foul being?"

Again, the toothy grin ran across Warwick's face, and his grip on the manatee grew tighter. The manatee yowled in pain, and anyone on the same side of the jungle would've probably heard him. However, his teammates were much too far away, and help didn't seem likely. The blue beast again spoke in that low, husky voice.

"Ah, nothing much really. I was just minding my own business in my jungle, but then I noticed a manatee at the river." Warwick's grin grew wider. "I can't let a intruder into our base, can I?"

And with a swift blow, Warwick subdued the manatee and dragged him to his base, and into the darkness. Using some Chaos magic, he supposedly killed Urf, who was no longer protected by the Order team's respawning spell.
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Swift as ever, a certain yordle was running through the jungle to find more mushrooms. As he picked another, he realized he was a bit burdened. This will have to do for now, Teemo thought. Suddenly, Teemo heard rustling and footsteps to his right. For a few seconds, Teemo saw a body being dragged off into the Chaos base. The body seemed familiar, almost as if it belonged to....a manatee.

Cold realization smacked him hard on the face, as he comprehended what just happened. The air was still bitterwarm. The dandelions were still floating. The monsters were still guarding. Teemo almost forgot what happened as he stood three. Soon, he began to comprehend what happened, and a silent "no" slipped out of his mouth. He darted to the nearest turret, where he spotted the revered inventor fixing up a turret's cannon. Teemo ran up to him, and shouted, "HEY!"
T
he engineer fell off of the turret in shock, which was a pretty big fall. Yet somehow, his magical afro protected him from instant death, and slowly got up. He shook his head, and saw another yorlde in front of him. A meddler perhaps? He then realized it was Teemo, who was apparantly lazing around and bother the science prodigy.

Quickly, he stood up a began to babble at the scout.

"Hey! You just knocked me off of my job! I swear to Runeterra, if it weren't for my magical afro, I probably would've died! And just what are you doing here anyway, I thought you were off collecting fungi! Now get back to work you inferior piece of scum-"

"Shut up you freaky afroman and listen!" They began to quiet down, and Teemo kept
on panting. Then after a few seconds of silence, he informed Heimerdinger of the event in a quiet and high voice.

"I think Urf was kidnapped."
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Shortly after the events


"Unfortunately, today along the borders of the Order base, Urf the Manatee was swimming along, dutifully guarding the river in the Summoner's Rift, he met with a tragic demise...."

PART 2


The blue beast walked into the butcher shop, carrying a blood soaked bag supposedly with a carcass. Careful not to slip upon the endless blood puddles on the floor, Warwick treaded through the endless corridors of the dark, Zaunian shop. As he got closer and closer, the constant sounds of the machines going to work started to fade, and instead being replaced by the sheer sound of a running chainsaw. Soon, he heard someone humming a tune, in a near robotic voice. So this must be the one, Warwick thought to himself. He hurried along to the next room.

This next room was very small, and just as bloodstained as the others. It was almost cavelike, with small rocks dangling from the ceiling and some coming from the ground. Up ahead, he saw a very plump figure, with four spiderish legs, and was apparently working on chopping something up. Warwick then realized that this must be the person who runs the place, and he approached once more. The roaring of the chainsaw come to a halt, and the figure up ahead began to turn his head around. Despite being a former Zaunian himself, Warwick couldn't help but be disgusted by the appearance of this bizarre cyborg.

He noticed the head first. It looked like a regular head of a fat human, only except the face looked roughly stitched on. The right eye looked as if it'd gone blind, and it seemed as though the left was missing. The mouth looked like it belonged to the head, and was currently in a twisted smile that looked completely awkward. He then noticed the chainsaw, which was covered in a greenish substance, as well as the blood of the flesh that the cyborg was chopping up. He noticed the other arm, which apparently held a cannonish looking claw with a green glow emanating from the center. Finally, he noticed the body and the legs. The legs looked terrible skinny, and to hold up a man of this size with such frail looking legs seamed impossible. Then the body. It was covered up sightly by the bloodstained apron, but Warwick noticed endless amounts of stitches holding huge chunks of skin together. He then noticed a small tube feeding from the body to the head area, when he noticed some fluid leaking out. Then he realized that the entire torso was filled with a green substance, that apparently served as the life fuel for the thing. Once again, Warwick looked up to the twisted smile of the cyborg, almost as if it were forced.

"Ah, well if it isn't a Noxian. Are you enjoying the scenery of Zaun?" The grin grew a bit wider, and the face looked as if it could fall off any second.

"Pleasant, isn't it?"

"I'm not exactly sure what your definition of pleasant is," Warwick replied, "But yes. It's nice to come back to what used to be my home."

"Ah, Noxus was my home town. I miss slaughtering countless Demacians." The grin almost faded for a second, then came back. "Thankfully Zaun promotes murdering innocents, so it's not too shabby." The grin faded, and the cyborg stared into the beast's crimson eyes. "So what business do you have with the butcher, doggy?"

"Don't call me that, or I'll make sure that even your little builder can't fix you up anymore." Warwick let loose a slight snarl, then went back to talking. "I am here for a delivery. I believe you are... Urgot?"

"Yes, that is me," Urgot answered, "Urgot, the butcher of Zaun." He laughed for a second, then noticed the bag that the beast was carrying.

"Ah..." He came near the bag, as if to examine it. "What do we have here?

Warwick slung the bag on the other side, so that it wasn't facing the cyborg anymore. "The manatee, as promised. This one is fresh."

Warwick dumped the carcass onto the floor, and the villains both gathered around it....

============================================================== Shortly before...

People act as though ale was a bad thing to drink, saying it would ruin your brain and corrupt your soul. Well jolly old Gragas could never understood the jabber of the little pricks that think drinking is a bad thing. In all honesty, alcohol was the best thing ever to happen to Gragas. The second most important thing to Gragas is, of course, he teammates. The Rabble Rouser had a heart of gold, a jolly giant, and is known to befriend many champions across the Institute of War. Perhaps one of his favorites was Urf. Both with similar personalities, except for the fact that Urf didn't drink, it was almost as if they were destined to meet as a team. On this night, Urf was supposed to do the patrolling across the river, and the others were busy doing their thing. So Gragas took advantage of this situation and and stood at the fountain sucking on his ale-filled barrel. The alcohol calmed his mind and let Gragas float off into his own world.

At this moment, Gragas was thinking about Urf, and the theory of eternal friendship. The kind of friendship shared by the little girl and her bear. Oh what was her name...Anna! Anna and her little bear Timbers might have the strongest bond in the entire League. So maybe, Gragas thought, me and Urf could be like Anna and Timbers! Gragas laughed joyfully at the idea. Perhaps Urf could walk around holding an action figure of Gragas. He could throw the doll at an enemy's face, and Gragas will jump out of nowhere and sit on 'em! Then they would smack a high five and drink more ale!

Then, it hit him; perhaps Gragas should accommodate to Urf's hobbies so they could share an even closer bond! And Urf's favorite hobby is.... swimming! Gragas suddenly realized out loud, "Hey! If I could swim, maybe me and Urfie could be even better friends!" He laughed with a booming "hohoho". "We could swim together, day and night! Me and Urfie!" He chanted some random things about swimming and beer until he really stopped and thought about the situation. "I think..." he thought, "If I could swim-"

He shook his head. "No, I need swimming gear first." He jumped up. "That's it! I'll make a scuba diving suit to help me swim! Urfie will love it!" So he ran off laughing, off to build his new scuba gear.